Yesterday (12th April) We sadly lost my Nan. She died peacefully at home with me holding her hand and given everything that is going on in the world at the moment I don’t think that we could have asked for much more from such a terrible thing. Sadly my mum and brother didn’t make it in time, but i had 2 lovely paramedics with me who I will remember forever.
Its such a weird feeling today, I cried my eyes out in Tesco getting some bits in all because today is easter monday and I took her shopping on easter monday a couple of years ago and it was the last time she was in a supermarket (i think). But, in some ways I feel ok because Nan had dementia, it had got quite advanced and in a way we lost big parts of her a while ago.
The Nan from my youth was lost a while back, I had got used to the new Nan and you can see from the memories ive shared we have had such a laugh in the last few years. Every moment was worth it, even the moments in which I cried out of shear frustration and there was more than enough of them.
Anyone caring for a family member with dementia has my respect because it is the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. You lose pieces of the person in front of you but you still love all of them even the bits that aren’t there. It is only in mulling things over in the last 24 hours that I have realised just how much of Nan we had lost without realising.
I can’t say that I expected her pass away when i went to her house yesterday morning but as I think about it over the last week she had shown that she was so tired and I think she was getting ready to leave us all. I was getting numerous calls from her carers over the last few weeks because they needed more assistance with her and I was always the go to person to contact and this is how yesterday morning started.
As a family we are at a loss, I am heartbroken and a little bit lost. I had been seeing Nan pretty much daily for 3 and a half years and it was a more than a little bit strange today and probably will be for the foreseeable. I have plenty of memories and pictures that I want to share, good, bad and damn right funny. Please stay with me and if you have come here from previously reading onceuponafibrotime keep coming back. I have missed writing.
Becka. x
beckalou.co.uk 
Your posts about your nan have always made me smile, you always were so positive in what must have been a sad & frustrating time, watching her dementia take her old self away. My mum’s early stage Alzheimer’s (which she’s in complete denial about) & apart from the short term memory loss, she’s still living a normal ish life at the moment. I know this will only go one way & I hope I can deal with it in the positive manner & way you have x
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Thank you. It really means alot to me that alot of people enjoyed reading my posts about Nan. I hope if anything it has helped people understand. If you really need anything please feel free to message me. x
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