Hello, its been a while. Its actually been over a year since I last posted anything on this blog. Its not that I haven’t wanted to write, I have… its more been finding the focus to write or having the confidence to say what I really want to say. I think that in previous posts, especially about Nan I have pride myself on being truth and honest about my feelings and thats how I want my posts to remain. So that said, had I wrote anything in the last year I just know that I would have held something back and the post would have come from my head and not my heart.
So where to start. Well I guess the biggest news is I have ADHD. I know what you are thinking, half the world has ADHD now but I am a firm believer that we were all missed during childhood and a big thumbs up to anyone who has received a late in life adult diagnosis of ADHD… to get this far WE ROCK! How did the ADHD diagnosis come about? Well, truth be told I saw people discussing their own diagnosis and what they struggled with etc etc and I had this massive light bulb moment in my head around March/April 2022. It was like finding out there could be a reason for everything I had disliked about myself most of my life. I had a similar feeling when I got diagnosed with dyslexia at 19 and was told my IQ was so high I was basically a genius but my written work didnt show this (the assessers words not my own as much as I can have a big head at times!). At 19 it was a relief to know that I could go off to uni with this new found confidence. Muck up? Ok well im dyslexic just deal with it.
So to get to 31, no job, living at home, struggling to cope with day to day life, feeling a failure, hard on myself 24/7, feeling like everyone was 1000 steps ahead of me, binge eating out of control, no sense of willpower (aside from my gambling recovery 5 years 4 months now) I felt SHIT. Utter bloody shit, this total waste of space and that might be hard to read because I painted this smile on my face and pretended where possible but it is how I felt and still feel alot of the time. I decided that I would broach the subject of ADHD with my GP. After having so many bad experiences with GPs I wasnt hopeful but my appointment was with the Doctor who got my coeliac diagnosed, leaving me quietly optimistic. I was right, she was LOVELY! After a long conversation about how i was feeling she actually done me a referral for both ADHD and Autism. Things were making some sense to me finally.
I had to wait a further 6 months for my appointment which I know is very lucky compared to some people and I was diagnosed with combined ADHD on December 23rd 2022. Happy Christmas to me. Infact christmas day was the first time I felt like I could take myself off for some people and quiet to cope and had an actual reason for needing to do so. It felt amazing to be honest. I started medication last week and although I posted on my instagram last night its been great I actually had a message last night telling me to stop because of my blood pressure that is slightly high and has been slightly high for 12 months and is exactly the same as it was prior to them prescribing me. So thats annoying and hopefully just crossed wires, but either way ill be at the doctors monday morning begging them to finally treat it so I dont have this hassle anymore.
Why the title I choose for this post? Well, on the whole the people I have told about my diagnosis have been great about it but there is one person who dismisses everything to do with my health totally out of hand and it just gets me down. I really am going to try hard not to let them get to me anymore because my diagnosis is real, just like my asthma and anything else I have been diagnosed with by medical professionals and not just someone who thinks they know best!
If you have got this far then thank you and I am going to try and post more now that I have got a feel for writing again, I still have more stories of dementia and nan I could share. Along with that I am going to do anything and everything I can to get to where I deserve to be which is happy and I might just let you in on that too.
Becka x
beckalou.co.uk 