Today is a special day for me, its one that has been in the diary for a few months when I knew that it was approaching. Maybe I could have jinxed myself by looking far ahead but I knew that I would reach it and I have. Today, after 10 years of fighting an addiction I can officially say that I am 1000 days without gambling. 1000 days, wow, that figure just blows me away.
Gambling started out as a fun pastime, I enjoyed it. Soon though, sadly very soon given that I started gambling when I was 18 it turned very toxic. It became my emotional crux and it became the least helpful coping mechanism I could ever not recommend. I had many periods of giving up before I actually gave up (for what I like to think is good but I am always aware of my emotions around gambling) for good.
I would say the beginning of the end started back in July 2016. My 1000 days starts from March 2018 so you can see that I still struggled for nearly two more years even from where I count my beginning of the end. I say July 2016 was the beginning of the end because it was the one and only time I had a big win and walked away and did something useful with it.
From that moment on I had many periods of 3 months of no gambling and thought yes this is it… I am strong, I can do this and then something would happen and I would be right back where I started.
From the age of 18 till I was 27 I never told a doctor about my struggles. I felt ashamed… here I am, student, female, never stepped foot in a bookies and I have the urge to spin slot machines and blow my wages in 30 seconds every day. It didn’t sit right with me until one GP changed it all. I just opened up about everything to him. It took some time, various appointments but during that time I was having to go once a month because they wouldn’t yet put my anxiety tablets on repeat prescription.
After I told him I think I gambled twice more in the space of 2 months until I stopped in March 2018. The real game changer and something I say has aided my recovery is that I signed up to GamStop. This is something that blocks your access to signing up to any (legit) gambling site that has signed up to be a member of their service. Your details are shared across the board and I couldn’t sign up or try and get my account reopened on lets say any of your high street names if I even wanted too and I can safely say I don’t want to. Since that day I have never tried.
1000 days just blows my mind. I am so extremely proud of myself today. I know I always have to stay aware of my emotions to ensure I keep on this journey but today I am really proud and want to shout it from the rooftops.
Please, if anyone is struggling with similar issues then please please don’t hesitate in reaching out and talking to someone. I am always available to chat to on social media and happy to talk about both my own experiences and listen to yours if thats what you need. You can find me on both twitter and Instagram on the username “beckalou90”. Please come chat if you feel you need to.
But for now, I am 1000 days without gambling and that is an amazing feeling!
beckalou.co.uk 