When Nan went into hospital in August 2016 and was diagnosed with dementia it was never the plan for me to take on such a massive role in caring for her (along with other members of the family). When she was originally discharged from hospital it was with the intention of having carers from the beginning. She was discharged from hospital with a live in carer for a couple of weeks and they had planned to get her down to 4 time a day care after that. However, Nan did so well and needed so little care that we were essentially abandoned.
Abandoned….
Maybe abandoned sounds a bit extreme, however it is how it felt at the time. We had gone from expecting lots of help to having literally none. Nan couldn’t be left in charge of her own medication so it went from thinking that carers would be coming in, to them saying no carers and medication doesn’t count as a care need so we knew that from that moment we would be having to see Nan daily.
Falling into place
Quite quickly we fell into a good routine. We would do a food shop for Nan every monday. At this point in time she could still cook her own dinners (which would be a ready meal) and could do her own food so this wasn’t a concern. She also could manage her personal hygiene needs and still knew how to make a phone call if she was stuck. So we used to go up daily and we would leave her with one days medication. She got used to this, she did occasionally ask her why she wasn’t allowed to have it all but I used to say things like it means that I can come see you everyday etc and it soon sweetened the situation.
We plodded on
For a couple of years this worked out really well. Things did get harder and Nan had more needs. It became harder to cope, my Uncle lived with Nan and between us we still managed to plod on. This, even though things got messy, we got behind on washing and a “friend” of Nans decided to judge us on this, Nan remained happy and as healthy as we could keep her and that was the main thing.
I had never planned to be Nans carer but it is something I am so glad that I did. It is incredibly hard, draining, emotional and can be frustrating but its so rewarding and even after she has left us I still feel like i reap the benefits of the rewards. I know that I did the best to care for her. Getting carers was never a plan of ours and I didn’t like it and maybe in the future depending on what happens (that sounds ominous!!) I might open up more about why we didn’t like having carers!
Until then
I hope everyone is well. I have been quiet this month. Its been a difficult month, I have struggled with Nan not being here. I am incredibly bored in this difficult situation we are all living within. I think I would be better if I had a job to go to because I spend too much of my day thinking which is dangerous! Still, we must plod on. Things will get better, just thank you to everyone that messages me still to check I am ok! It means alot 🙂
Becka.
beckalou.co.uk 