Nan always used to say goodbye to me (and a few others) by saying “Love you, Love you, Love you”. I loved hearing that so much. She said it once whilst she was in hospital in March and this made mum and I so happy.
It all started when I used to ring her twice a day. I saw her too, but I couldn’t stop myself from ringing in the morning and at 6pm. When I was doing my masters I commuted by train and I would get off the train just after 8am and spend my walk from the station to university on the phone to her. A lot of this time I would spend listening to her talking about how she was waving to the school kids. I remember this one occasion she actually said to me to wait whilst she put the phone on her trolley, walked to the window… waved to the kids… left me 10 minutes there about and then came back to me. I listened the whole time you could always hear Nan pottering about. I really would give just about anything right now to have those times back. Just to hear her say “Love you, Love you, Love you” down the end of the phone to me again. She can even hang up the phone on me as she did on occasion if she wanted to!
6pm became our phone call time. My Uncle told me she used to sit with her finger on the phone button from about 10 to 6 looking at the clock. Thinking about that as I write this, I must confess my eyes aren’t dry. I’d have to ring even if I had seen her just an hour previous or I was the evil one! We’d have nothing to talk about but I loved to ring her all the same. I knew it made her happy.
6pm phone calls ended over a year ago. I always missed them though. I knew that her dementia had progressed and that answering the phone was something she couldn’t do anymore but I would have given anything to let her be able to pick up the phone one more time. She used to try and answer the phone before I had even rang which meant many times I got the busy tone a number of times until she cut it off and I could get through. I would have had the busy tone 20 times till I got worried and drove up there if it just meant she could tell me “Love you , Love you, Love you ” at the end of the phone call again.
Today marks 1 month since Nan passed. I can’t believe how fast that month has gone. I never thought I would be able to function as well as I have done in the last month.
I love you, love you, love you Nan.
x
beckalou.co.uk 