In the last few days I have been looking at all the pictures that I have taken of me and Nan. This picture sticks out to me. It doesn’t look that significant but it really makes me smile every time I look at it. This picture is from the morning after my uncle went into hospital last year. I stayed with Nan, I did try and sleep on the sofa so I could be next to her but it just wasn’t comfortable and she snored. I mean I snore too but I needed to actually nod off to be able to snore! So I went upstairs and slept in her old bed. In fact I slept in my Nan and grampys old bed, which actually felt quite comforting like they were both cuddling me in a way!
I didn’t get the best sleep and I remember sitting at the top of the stairs about 6am hearing her potter about downstairs. She was obviously tidying up any mess in the living room. Nan liked to be very house proud, even until the end when maybe it wasn’t the easiest she still tried to be house proud and proud of her appearance too. It was actually quite heartbreaking when she used to do things like try and put cardigans on as trousers because I knew this wasn’t my Nan! This was dementia. That is a post for another day though.
I went downstairs and I couldn’t find my shoes. I thought maybe I had taken them upstairs with me so i went and checked, still couldn’t find them and then i spotted them. Nan had put my shoes next to hers away, tidied away, I mean naughty Becka probably left them right in the way and I can only imagine Nan tutting about the mess when she put them away.
This photo makes me smile because to me its like I was moving in, my shoes had a special place. My shoes were allowed to be with hers! She was quite particular about things and everything had to be in its right place.
Only a couple of weeks ago she said to me I wish you would come and stay with me. I told her if the time came (when another nasty social worker was trying to move her out!!!) I would and I don’t regret not going to stay with her permanently because she proved that she was safe in her own home alone with carers and me visiting daily right until the very end. In fact when I stayed with her when my Uncle was in hospital I actually only stayed two nights because I went for a third night and she told me to go home because she was fine!
The last 3 and a half years we really have been the best of friends, looking through photos I have so many funny ones of us being daft as anything, I have so many lovely memories, I miss her a lot but I am extremely proud of what we achieved and the bond we had.
It was special.
Becka.
beckalou.co.uk 