For the last 3 and a half years I have taken thousands of pictures and videos with Nan, I always joked well its something to remember her by but it really is something to remember her by now all I have is the memories. Every photo has a story and I am quite good at remembering things without even looking at the date I can tell you when this photo was taken.
27th September 2017… probably around 9pm (give or take I mean I am not perfect)
I’d had a full day at uni, I was tired and I had commuted, seen Nan, rang Nan in the morning and all was fine. Until I believe (and this is where I am slightly hazey) Nan rang me and I missed a call. When I rang back, I didn’t get an answer. PANIC.
So I went up to Nans and she was ringing me because she was worried about something that she has found in her kitchen. I really was slightly concerned as to what I was about to be shown. There was a sense of relieve and sadness however as Nan was confused as to what a plug socket was and why was it there? I really think this is one of the first times I started to understand that Alzheimer’s was more than just memory loss. It was so much more than that and when my grief isn’t so raw I want to talk about my feelings about the condition and how much I have learnt about it by being Nan’s carer.
I explained to her what it was, why it was there and by having it it means it was possible for her to do her toast in a morning and that was it, she was ok then. We snapped some pictures, we had a laugh, I made her a cup of tea and she told me to go home. She was rather abrupt in her manner but I knew that it translated to I am ok now, so you go to bed.
I think right now I would give anything to have one more hug like this. I miss this so much and I can’t believe tomorrow will have already been a week since we lost her. Taking thousands of pictures in order to have these memories
Becka
beckalou.co.uk 